The I'm-Too-White-To-Sing-The-Blues Blues

Disregard the name
"Ann Hampton Callaway"
English, Scottish, Irish
A honky all the way
Lionel wasn't pappy
Neither was ol' Cab
Ev'ry day I curse the way
My life is dull and drab
Go on and spread the news
I've got the I'm-too-white-to-sing-the-blues blues!

Got a payin' job
A man who's good and true
A spacious flat in New York City
How could I be blue?
My credit cards are paid up
Except for MasterCard
If my life is such a piece of cake
Tell me why is it so hard?
I ought to hit the booze
I've got the I'm-too-white-to-sing-the-blues blues!
BRIDGE

Well, I dig my Ethel Waters
Bessie Smith takes my breath away
And I live for ev'ry word of pain
From Billie Holiday

Sometimes when I'm lonely
I think I have my chance
I try to sing St. Louis Blues
To my cat and my houseplants
But my cat gets catatonic
My violets start to shrink
When the ivy starts to climb the walls
It's time to pour a drink
Each time I try, I los
e I've got the I'm-too-white-to-sing-the-blues blues!

INSTRUMENTAL
BRIDGE

3rd VERSE REPEAT

CODA

Each time I try I lose
Spoken "Come to me Patti LaBelle"
Ah…huh!
Spoken "Oh, that was pathetic!"
I know you feel that way, too, sometimes, don't ya
You listen to the radio and say
"Hey, I wanna sing like that"
But first you make sure that no one is spying on you
And then you let it out in your shower
And you feel so fantastic
Until you find out
Your girlfriend or your boyfriend
Or your husband or your wife
Or your cat or your dog
Is making fun of you
You, too, have the I'm-too-white-to-sing-the-blues blues!