Birthday, Bitch!

ZACK
Bet this really takes you back.

KYRA
I could never find yours, Zack.

NADIA
Excuse me!

MATT
What the hell is that?

RORY
It's a pinata, Matt.

LUCAS
Put it there instead.

KYRA
Wouldn't want to hit your head.

NADIA
I wrote a song for us to sing.

ZACK
They'll be here any minute.

RORY
I need tape.

LUCAS
Got cups?

MATT
A plate?

NADIA
When I go like this we'll begin it!

RORY, NADIA & KYRA
Happy birthday Ivy, you are the special birthday bitch

NADIA
We go you some vagisil to help clear up that nasty itch

PETER
That's pretty, Nadia.

ZACK
She'll love that!

ALAN
Towels, stat!

LUCAS
She's gonna die!

NADIA
If we should be so lucky.

PETER
Be nice.

NADIA
Why?

RORY
Mary Jane made some brownies. They're dope!

KYRA
My favorite!

RORY
Mine too!

LUCAS
Oooh! Spacecakes!

PETER
Cool! Who made these?

RORY
Does he know?

LUCAS
Please.

PETER
Know what?

ALAN
I need a cup.

ZACK
I may have to crash here tonight there's no way I'm gonna make it home.

NADIA
What the hell, the bed's still warm cause Ivy never sleeps alone.
Same old gift from different givers, throw the dog another bone!

MATT
Time to go.

LUCAS
Sorry, bro.

MATT
Are those her panties?

KYRA
Yes, indeed!

LUCAS
Guess who's horny?

JASON
Him.

GIRLS
Agreed!

LUCAS
Open shop, take all you need!

NADIA
I would wear three.

MATT
Maybe I'm not being clear…

DIANE
They're here!

LUCAS
Quiet!

ZACK
These are so good!

NADIA
Sing out, Louise!

ALAN
Guys, where are all the cups?

ALL
Shut up!
1, 2, 3, 4!
Happy birthday Ivy, you're the ugliest of all
You are the worst and most perverse to roam Cecilia's hallowed halls
Your mother was a hooker and your father was a dick
He poked her in a toaster and the pair produced a pig
Whose brain is awfully tiny and whose ass is awfully big
Happy birthday bitch, happy birthday bitch !
Happy birthday Ivy, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch !

NADIA
Then they took that little bitch and they fucked her in the ass...
Sorry!

MATT
Happy Birthday

DIANE
Matt plan the party !

MATT
Some of it

IVY
Thank you, this is very sweet

MATT
She's loaded, what happened to her?

TANYA
You told me yo 'keep her busy'

PETER
You don't wanna play?

JASON
Na…why are you so happy ?

PETER
I wish your pinata were that big

JASON
You do know those are pot brownies ?

PETER
Oops!
'want to go back to the rave
The two of us dancing together
Out there in the open
So then what's stoping us now ?
I hear our song on the radio
And I don't care who knows

JASON
Lower your voice….
What is wong with you ?

PETER
I think we're missing so much
Jason, I wish I could shout it
Shout how much I love you !

JASON
Hey

IVY
Hey, you any good with a stick?

JASON
What have you heard?

IVY
Come help me

JASON
Sure… give me one sec'

PETER
Don't go

JASON
Peter, stop

PETER
God, but the rave-

JASON
Was different.
We don't live in a rave
Look, you have to stop acting like this…

PETER
Like what ?
Your boyfriend ?