Plain Jane Fat Ass

[Ivy]
Hey Romeo you coming?

[Jason]
In a sec

[Nadia]
Congratulations romeo! Dad'll be excited

[Jason]
Yeah, looking forward to that conversation

[Nadia]
Now, don't forget
Behind every great man is a dim-witted sister who just wants to be fed
Nurse! Who knew? I thought for sure I'd get peasant number eight
Or jolly spinstres number three

[Jason]
I know you have more confidence in your acting than that

[Nadia]
Oh, I do

[Nadia]
I know a girl full of confidence
Yes, whenever she's full, she's a confident girl
She'll have your piece of pie-
Then inhale another ten
There's a thin girl inside her with twelve of her friends
Hips that could bear you a buffalo

[Jason]
Longhorn?

[Nadia]
Ass that's so vast I could block out the Sun

[Jason]
You know that you're insane

[Nadia]
I'm a caution for the vain
Mothers say well, dear there's fat, then there's jane

[Plain Jane Fat Ass]
Guilty of swallowing jenny craig whole
Plane jane fat ass
Keeping society so ill at ease and loving her role

[Jason]
Why are you so hard on yourself?

[Nadia]
Why are you such an over achiever?

[Jason]
Nadia, it's just that I know you'd be happier-

[Nadia]
Okay, kiddo- I didn't spend thousand of dollars on private golf lessons
So you could quit the team sophomore year

[Jason]
It's mind over matter-

[Nadia]
If you keep your mind focused-

[Jason]
We just want you to be happy

[Nadia]
To make us happy

But why can't the fat girl play Juliet?
It's the plumpest of roles, so then why not pick me?

[Jason]
It's just a stupid show

[Nadia]
Says the dashing Romeo
Well, I've played a servant for years in a row

But I'll have the last laugh- you bet your ass
Hurt me? You can't- I have mounds of thick skin
Beating high school doesn't last, and someday, I have a hunch
That I'll eat them for breakfast and shit them for lunch

[Plain Jane Fat Ass]
Hungry for love, she's a sensitive soul
Plain jane fat ass
Keeping society so ill at ease and loving her role

Dad's birthday package arrived
Two weeks late as usual
Here's your birthday check
Financial proof that dad still loves ya!

And oh, surprise! A note!
Dear Jason
Please find enclosed this very thick package that came for you yesterday
I talked with father Flynn, and he told me you were in
But call anyway when you open it Notre Dame!
But we always knew that you'd keep the McConnell flame burning
Love, dad

[Jason]
What did dad get you?

[Nadia]
You mean what did dad's secretary get me?
These earrings
I think they're slimming what do you think?

[Jason]
Come here