Slowly And Painfully

Once again
I'm left alone to rot
This will never change
I find myself lost in a world of pain
I have become beyond depressed
Beyond anger
Beyond emotions
Beyond everything

Almost to the point of numbness
Screaming myself to sleep each night
Unable to think straight anymore
Hating this life more and more
Wanting it to be over already
I lost everything I had
I lost the will to live
I lost myself in depression
I lost my emotions
They are running wild
I cannot control myself
Trying to find a gun
A razorblade wont work
Let me put an end to this
Once and for all

Why continue on contemplating
Wether to live or die
Why not just end it already
Why not just waste this pathetic life
That was already wasted to begin with
The gun is ready to kill

I walk up to the one person who once cared for me
Who once thought I was important
Who once said that I was their everything
Who once told me that I was something special
But those words seem useless now that she has moved on
With someone else

Were they lies?
Or was there actual meaning and pure emotion behind it
Either way... it doesnt matter anymore
It is over
The one person I once had in my arms
Is now at the bear hands of life
I point the gun towards my head
Staring straight into her eyes
Tears falling down my face
Bleeding all over

And with my last breath
I say to you
I loved you