How I Lost 31 Pounds In 17 Days

Page 47 in a hanky-panky magazine
Overheated romance (continued from page 17)
Wrapped up in the story, fever high
When a mail-order advertisement caught my eye
It said, "How I Lost 31 Pounds In 17 Days!"

She had the smile of an angel and the body of a full-grown whale
She was wearing a bikini that would make the Queen Mary sail
She was eatin' a banana and drinking a beer
She had a look about her that was so sincere
She said, "How I Lost 31 Pounds In 17 Days!"

I sent a letter in desperation
Asked the editor for information
Told of my infatuation
And now she's mine

Now I got a home where the buffalo roams
Sleepin' on her back, she looks like the Capitol Dome
I never thought in my wildest dreams
I'd find my jolly queen giant in a magazine
Sayin' "How I Lost 31 Pounds In 17 Days!"
(Aw, pick it, Jumbo!)

Sent a letter in desperation
Asked the editor for information
Told of my infatuation
And now she's mine

Now I got a home where the buffalo roams
Sleepin' on her back, she looks like the Capitol Dome
I never thought in my wildest dreams
I'd find my jolly queen giant in a magazine
Sayin' "How I Lost 31 Pounds In 17 Days!"
"How I Lost 31 Pounds In 17 Days!"
"How I Lost 31 Pounds In 17 Days!"
(Repeat and fade)