Dr. Duck's Super-Secret All Purpose Sauce

Have you got trouble with the TV? Trouble with the wife?
Does the champagne in your waterbed fizz too loud at night?
Are you worried that pork belly futures no longer look green?
My friend, I know what you mean

It's the one you read about on TV and heard in magazines
It bonds anything to anything like nothing you've seen
A Mrs. BS from the Midwest writes "It works like a dream!
How can something so delicious get my dishes so clean?"

It's Dr. Duck's Super Secret All-Purpose Sauce
Why without it this whole planet would be hopelessly lost
With its discreet brown wrapper, its affordable cost
How can Dr. Duck do it without taking a loss?
How can something so delicious get my dishes so clean?

On the first day you'll lose ten pounds, on the second two, fifteen
On the fourth day you'll inherit wealth beyond all your dreams
On the fifth you'll fly to London, on the sixth you'll meet the Queen
And in seven days we guarantee your lawn will be green

It's Dr. Duck's Super Secret All-Purpose Sauce
Why without it this whole planet would be hopelessly lost
With its discreet brown wrapper, its affordable cost
How can Dr. Duck do it without taking a loss?
How can something so delicious get my dishes so clean?

It makes women look lovelier
It makes men look lovelier
It makes ducks and geese look lovelier
It make freight trains look lovelier

It's Dr. Duck's Super Secret All-Purpose Sauce
Why without it this whole planet would be hopelessly lost
In its discreet brown wrapper, its affordable cost
How can Dr. Duck do it without taking a loss?
How can something so delicious get my dishes so clean?

It makes women look lovelier
It makes men look lovelier
It makes ducks and geese look lovelier
It make freight trains look lovelier

It's Dr. Duck's Super Secret All-Purpose Sauce
Why without it this whole planet would be hopelessly lost
With its discreet brown wrapper, its affordable cost
How can Dr. Duck do it without taking a loss?
How can something so delicious get my dishes so clean?