The Old Dun Cow

Some friends and I in a public house
Were playing dominoes one night
When into the room the barman came
His face all chalky white
What's up?, says Brown, have seen a ghost?
Have you see your Aunt Maria?
Oh, me Aunt Maria be buggered, says he
The bloody pub‟s on fire!

On fire, says Brown, what a bit of luck!
Everybody follow me!
Down to the cellar, if the fire's not there
We‟ll have a rare old spree
So we all went down after good old Brown
And booze we could not miss
And we weren‟t there five minutes or more
Till we were all half-pissed

And there was Brown, upside down
Licking up the whiskey off the floor
Booze, Booze!, the firemen cried
Ss they came knocking at the door
Don't let them in till it's all mopped up
Somebody! Shouted MacIntyre
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire

Then Smith went over to the port-wine tub
And gave it a few hard knocks
And started taking off his pantaloons
Likewise his shoes and socks
Hold on, says Brown, we can't have that
You can't do that in here
Don't go washing your trotters in the port-wine tub
When we've got all this Lite beer

And there was Brown, upside down
Licking up the whiskey off the floor
Booze, Booze, the firemen cried
Ss they came knocking at the door
Don't let them in till it's all mopped up
Somebody, shouted MacIntyre
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire

Well, then there came an awful crash
Half the bloody roof gave way
We were drowned in the firemen‟s hose
Still we were going to stay
So we got some tacks and our old wet slacks
And we nailed ourselves inside
And we sat there swallyin' pints of stout
Till we were bleary eyed

And there was Brown, upside down
Licking up the whiskey off the floor
Booze, Booze, the firemen cried
Ss they came knocking at the door
Don't let them in till it's all mopped up
Somebody, shouted MacIntyre
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire