I Hate New Years

It's January 1st 2021
And I'm in my feelings
And I just wanna rap
Fuck a hook

Yeah, why do I feel like I'm depressed
I feel like my whole life is a motherfucking stress
Sometimes I see the news and wish that I could die next
It's a crippling feeling that most could never digest

Every January 1st I don't wanna wake up
That's the day I met this girl who totally fucked me up
Mentally, the ptsd's hurt and all of it sucks
It left a hole in my chest that money can't cover up

Was never enough, I felt it deep in my bones
Always feeling disconnected, always glued to my phone
Tired of fakes friends, I cut them off, so now I'm alone
They don't love me for me, they only love me 'cause I'm known

I got fans who support me and wanna see me win
But I feel like a loser, I'm a need a bottle of gin
I made a million dollars, but there's nothing to give
If there's a God, tell me where has he been

I been searching for real
Every new years, I get in my feels
'cause I hate the way that I fucking feel
I got scars that don't heal

It's a new year, but it's the same pain in my heart
And that's a hurt that's gon' stick with me still
I wonder if real love is something that I can find
In a world full a fake who keep wasting my time

I been questioning my faith, and I'm losing my mind
If God is real then show me a sign