Liar (feat. Alex Marie Brinkley)

I gotta be real with myself
I wasn't being real to myself
I still have scars that run deep
And I haven't spent any time healing myself

No one around could, feel what I felt
I felt stuck from putting fear in myself
I'm still getting burned, now I'm steaming in hell
God, acting like I'm not screaming for help

I, gotta get up
I can feel it in my gut I wanna give up
I can't trust anyone 'cause everyone switch up
I can't love anyone 'cause everyone slip up

It's just me, don't got anyone I can hit up
All I dreamt of was seeing a stadium fill up
Because of me every light in it gets lit up
Changing the world through every lyric I spit up

But until a, change happens in me I can never change it
I turned fake, I got the balls to say it
I was riding waves, tryna get famous
A million plays, they know what my name is

Now I hate the stress that it all came with
My anxiety's high and it's mad dangerous
I lost my girl, I could never save us
Being honest with yourself is the hardest ain't it?

It's okay to admit when you're wrong and you're fake
It's okay to lose yourself when you make mistake
It's okay to lose faith after a heart break
I can't say I'm perfect if I did I'm lying to your face

I'm a liar, and I lie everyday, I act like I'm fine but I ain't
Inside I'm dying and I pray, 'cause I'm only human
Yeah what more can I say? Damn

I feel like I found me but I'm lost again, oh oh oh
I felt like I could do it without a friend, oh
I'm a liar, to myself
I'm a liar, to myself

I gotta be real with myself
I wasn't being real to myself
I still have scars that run deep
And I haven't spent any time healing myself

No one around could, feel what I felt
I felt stuck from putting fear in myself
I'm still gonna burn out steaming in hell
God, acting like I'm not screaming for help

I, gotta learn to
Accept the fact that there's no one to turn to
Accept the fact that the flame we have burned through
I fucked up bad, knowing that I don't deserve you

So many problems that we could've sat and worked through
Wishin' that I wasn't the one that had to hurt you
So blind to that I didn't see that from your view
And now I'm stuck with pictures that I sit and search through

And I heard you, moved on, and damn it, it's my fault
I'm sick of all the damage that I caused
I'm so sick of fricking living inside of my thoughts
I'm blind to what I have and only see what I've lost

And I thought, if I blew up, I would be happy
Well I'm not! So don't even ask me
If it looks like I am then I'm probably just acting
'Cause life is a movie, mine looks like a sad scene

I'm lying to myself when I say I believe
The truth is I didn't even see it in me
I would only rhyme if I was feeling a beat
When I should just beat this villain in me

In rap's I'd be inner healer to me
I had nobody when I needed to speak
Hated my life that had no meaning to me
I'm still dealing with these demons in me
Thought I was found but
But the real me needed to leave, 'cause

I feel like I found me but I'm lost again, oh oh oh
I felt like I could do it without a friend, oh
I'm a liar, to myself
I'm a liar, to myself