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I'm a smash at cocktail parties
I keep falling on my face
I can't decide which side my heart
I'm such a damn disgrace

Can't take me anyplace

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I reinvent behaving badly
I'm extremely commonplace
Although you know I love me madly
I disturb the populace

Can't take me anyplace

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I'm the subject of controversy
It's my delicious carapace
But idle gossip never bothered me
I'm the very worst of taste

Can't take me anyplace