The Sideburns Song

Side burns.
On the side of my face.

As my head turns,
You can see they're in the same place.
On either. Sideburns.
They can't be replaced.
My insides burn,
When I think of the days
Before my...

My side burns.
Look at my sideburns,
But don't touch my sideburns,
Why would you do that?
My heart yearns
For my own sideburns.
My side actually burns now,
What is that?

What the hell man,
Why does my side burn?
What the hell's going on?
My side burns.
Does anybody have
Some aloe vera?
If you do, bring it backstage,
I'll pay you back.

1985,
From the womb I came out (on my birthday)
The doctor said,
"What you crying about?"

I said, "Is that a retorical question?
You know why I cried.
I have a serious lack of
Hair on the side... of my head.
Little baby people
Don't have sideburns.
They gotta grow them
When they're older.
But if your little baby
Already has sideburns,
That's awesome!
Don't be concerned.

Don't be concerned
About your little bitty baby
With the big big sideburns.
You should not be
Concernd-a-cerned about
The little itty bitty baby
With the big big sideburns.
Your little baby gonna be a pimp.

Your little baby gonna be a little baby pimp.
You should probably discourage
That kind of profession,
Because it's illegal.
And your baby's too
Young to be concerned
About starting a business,
But that's impressive
If it's got the mindset.
My sideburns
Look at my sideburns,
Back on track talkin,
Talkin, 'bout side burns
My sideburns
Look a my side burns.

Side bur, hur, hurrrrnns.
Sideburns.