Regretting What I Said

(spoken)

'This song is called "Regretting What I Said to You When You
Called Me 11:00 On a Friday Morning to Tell Me that at 1:00
Friday Afternoon You're Gonna Leave Your Office, Go Downstairs,
Hail a Cab to Go Out to the Airport to Catch a Plane to Go Skiing
in the Alps for Two Weeks, Not that I Wanted to Go With You, I
Wasn't Able to Leave Town, I'm Not a Very Good Skier, I Couldn't
Expect You to Pay My Way, But After Going Out With You for Three
Years I DON'T Like Surprises!!"

'And it's subtitled "A Musical Apology"

'In this song I attempt to take back everything I said while
standing in a phone booth on the corner of 49th and 3rd.'



I didn't mean it when I said, 'I hope
The cable in the elevator snaps
When you step on board.'
And I was joking when I said,
'I hope you crack your head
And get mangled by the downstairs revolving doors.'

And I was kidding when I said, 'I hope the
#103 bus
Hits and makes a pancake out of you.'

I'm sorry...
I'm sorry...
Isn't it amazing what a woman in love will do?

And I really don't want to see your taxi on the 59th Steet Bridge
Flip over
And crash through the rail.
And I'd feel bad if at the airport you were
Mistaken for a local sex offender,
Arrested, beaten up, and thrown in jail.

And I really don't want to see you getting radiation poisoning
From the metal detector that all passengers on
Foreign and domestic flights must walk through.

I'm sorry...
Forgive me...
For all the mean things I said to you.

You thought I didn't have a temper.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, surprise!
But I really don't want to see you
Dismembered by the marijuana sniffing dogs
When a simple little nipping would suffice,
Would suffice.

And I'm sorry that I said 'I hope
The plane explodes in mid-air
As it carries you away from me.'
And I'm sorry that I said,
'I hope you break both legs
On the mountain while you ski.'

And I'm sorry for all the nasty things
I said about your mother
Even though we both know they're true.

I'm sorry...
Forgive me...
I'm swallowing my pride,
I'd feel so guilty if you died!
Oh, I'm sorry,
But I'm still mad at you.